A Friday Evening for Recovery

Readings for Friday 9 pm (Pacific Time) Meeting

OPENING

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency.

Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement.

Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior.

SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.

THE TWELVE STEPS OF SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS

We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior — that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS

Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon S.A.A. unity.
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
The only requirement for S.A.A. membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.
Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or S.A.A. as a whole.
Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.
An S.A.A. group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the S.A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
Every S.A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
S.A.A. should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
S.A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
S.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues; hence the S.A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

ABSTINENCE STATEMENT

Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive sexual behavior, and help others to achieve abstinence. A key component of SAA abstinence is that each member chooses his or her own abstinence definition, based on their own experience, and, in consultation with a sponsor and other members. Here are a few suggestions about the meaning of abstinence.

Many of us have found it helpful to define our abstinence in terms of specific behaviors, rather than focusing on thoughts or feelings. Just as AA focuses on the need to stop the behavior of drinking, and OA focuses on compulsive eating as the point of abstinence, so SAA focuses on compulsive sexual acting–out. The lust of the mind may take years to drain away as one works the Twelve Steps of recovery; abstinence from the destructive and addictive behaviors, however, can begin today, and is the foundation upon which all subsequent personal growth depends. "Progress rather than perfection" is the atmosphere for growth that we seek to promote.

Abstinence will often be different for different individual members of SAA, depending upon what behaviors are compulsive and lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Some addicts can engage in sexual behaviors from which other addicts find they must abstain; we leave the choice up to the individual.

Recovery is not only about eliminating harmful behaviors, We also seek a positive, healthy relationship with our sexuality, regardless of sexual orientation or marital status. We seek to lay the foundation for learning a new approach to the experience of sex and relationships which is healthy, honest, and intimate.

DEFINING ABSTINENCE (from the Green Book)

Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.

Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.

This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.

Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.

SPONSORSHIP

One of the most vital aspects of the program is sponsorship. A sponsor is a person in the Fellowship who acts as a guide to working the program of SAA, A fellow addict that we can rely on for support. Ideally a sponsor is abstinent from addictive sexual behavior, has worked the steps, and can teach us what he or she has learned from working the program. We can learn from a sponsor’s experience, struggles, successes, and mistakes. Our sponsor can help explain program fundamentals, such as how to define our sexual sobriety. Most importantly, sponsors guide us through the Twelve Steps. If we feel like acting out, We can call our sponsor to talk about it. A sponsor can hold us accountable for our behavior. If we make a commitment to attend a meeting, our sponsor can note whether we got to the meeting or not. Sponsors can tell us if they think we are at risk for relapse. They can suggest when we are not being fully honest with ourselves. Often a sponsor is the person in the fellowship that knows us best.

THE OTTOWA PROMISES

Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.

Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.

Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.

A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living, our life.

Are these extravagant promises?

WE THINK NOT!

We have seen them fulfilled.

They are ours, if we want them and work for them.

THE UNITY PRAYER

I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

THE SERENITY PRAYER

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.