Thursday 9:05pm Pacific Secretary Script: Thursday Night Live

Revised: April 29, 2010

 


Open means: s–recovery program members, counselors, family, friends, and anyone who respects our anonymity and confidentiality.

Mixed means: Both human males and females over 18 years of age are welcome.

This telemeeting is managed through freeconference.com.  SAA is not affiliated with freeconference.com, but we are immensely grateful for this service.

For Meeting Phone # and Access Code see:

 

http://www.saa–recovery.org/Meetings/ElectronicMeetings/

The one hour meeting starts about:

  • 9:05pm Pacific Time
  • 10:05pm Mountain
  • 11:05pm Central
  • 12:05am Eastern USA

Use the  world time–conversion site = http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html   to find your correct time for this meeting.

Enter the Date and Time as the Thursday Date and 9 pm into the time line.

For the "Select Place to Convert From" Select:  U.S.A. – Washington – Seattle.

For the "Select Place to Convert To" Select a location in the same timezone, near you.

Click the "Convert Time" button to find the meeting time in your timezone.

 

Before the meeting starts find volunteers for the Readings

  • The Opening       (From General Readings Script)
  • How it Works      (SAA Green Book Page 19 PP2 / BB Page 58)
  • The 12 Steps       (SAA Green Book Page 20 / BB Page 59)
  • Our Lives Before
  • The Tradition of the Month (based on month number)
  • One of the three "Promises" Readings (AA/SAA, Ottawa, or Double Winners)

Wait until 9:05pm Pacific Time to start the meeting by reading this script below.

 

Typical Meeting Agenda

  • Serenity Prayer ( we usually only read the first 4 lines )
  • Readings ( from this document or the telemeeting web site )
  • General Checkin ( where we each introduce ourselves by:
    <
  • Newcomers Meeting (if any newcomers present) or
    Agenda Based on Thursday of the Month

     

    1. Topic Meeting
    2. Reading from "The Green Book" – The SAA Principle Text
    3. Readings from "Answers In The Heart"
    4. Member’s Story or Member Reading ( 10–15 minute reading )
    5. Favorite Recovery Tool used this month
  • Reading of the Promises
  • Seventh Tradition
  • Close of the Meeting about on the hour
  • Serenity Prayer
  • 5 Minutes of Newcomers Q&A time
  • Occasional Brief Business Meeting
  • Open the phone lines to fellowship

 

 

 

 

Table of Contents Links:

 

  • Top of this Webpage
  • Start of Meeting
  • The Serenity Prayer
  • Muting the Phone
  • The Readings
  • General Checkin
  • The Meeting Agenda
    1. Topic Meeting
    2. Green Book Reading
    3. Answers in the Heart Reading
    4. Member’s Story or Reading
    5. Recovery Tools Discussion
    6. Newcomers Meeting
  • Reading The Promises
  • The Closing
  • The Closing Serenity Prayer
  • Meeting Fellowship
Optional Material

 

  • Sponsor Discussion
  • Business Meeting

  • Readings

  • New Member Meeting Readings
  • The Opening
  • How it Works
  • The 12 Steps of SAA
  • On Acceptance
  • The Abstinence Statement
  • Our Lives Before
  • A Vision For Us
  • 12 Traditions of Sex Addicts Anonymous
  • The AA/SAA Promises
  • The Ottawa Promises
  • The "Double Winners" Promises
  • The Unity Prayer

 

 

 

Start of the Meeting – Secretary Script

Good evening, and welcome to the Thursday Night Live — A one hour Open Mixed Tele–meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous.
My name is _____________ and I am a recovering _________ (sex addict, sexaholic, sex & love addict, etc.) –– pause for greeting –– and your secretary for this meeting.

After about 15 seconds of silent meditation to reflect on what brought us here, will you please join me in the serenity prayer.

 

The Serenity Prayer (first 4 lines)

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,

 

the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

The rest of the Serenity Prayer

Living one day at a time;

 

Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;

 

 

Muting the Phone

To prevent background noise while other people are talking, please mute your phone when you are not talking. If your phone does not have a mute feature, please press the *6 keys on your phone to toggle the tele–meeting mute function on and off.

{Secretary Note: Calling the meeting phone number and entering telemeeting organizer access code rather than the published access code allows secretary to toggle the meeting mode with *7 (Mode Sequence: Conversation=> (*7)=> Q&A => (*7)=> Presentation => (*7)=> Conversation); If changing the mode, Q&A mode mutes all the phones and the people can unmute by pressing *6. Presentation mode mutes all phones and only the organizer (secretary) can speak. Converstation mode: (The default mode) lets everyone talk at the same time.   To get a count of the people present with *# (add one to number given to include self). }

 

Readings

The Readings are assigned so lets start with Opening and the others can follow
with How it Works, Our Lives Before, and The Tradition of the Month. Go ahead ____________ with the Opening.

Opening     
How it Works    
12 Steps    
Our Lives Before    
The 12 Traditions

Thank you __________ __________ ___________ ___________ and _____________ for the readings.

 

 

Important!


Because this is a telemeeting, the laws of all the states, provinces, and countries represented apply. To protect yourself and others in this meeting, please do not be specific as to when, where, with whom, or how you have acted out. In the event that you disclose actions that violate the law regarding underage, senior, or disabled victims, participants of the meeting may be required by law to violate the anonymity of the group and report this. So, talk instead about your thinking, feelings and emotions.

 

General Check–in

Lets have general check–in. We begin by identifying ourselves by our first name, the location we are calling from, our current feelings, and a tool of recovery your found helpful this week.

I will start:

I am ________ –– pause for greeting.
I am calling from __________.
I am feeling __________________.
and a tool I used this week is ___________________.
With that I my name is ______________ and I pass.

Are there any more checkings?

 

Greeting New Members

Now, are there any new members who have never attended an SAA or other s–type meeting before, either on the phone or face–to–face? Please identify yourself by your first name so we can greet you and welcome you to this meeting.

 

Agenda (Optional: read only if there are new people present)

I’d like to welcome our newcomers. The agenda we ordinarily use for this meeting is:

  • Serenity Prayer ( which we just did )
  • Readings ( from the telemeeting web site )
  • General Checkin ( where we each introduce ourselves )
  • This meeting has an agenda based on the Thursday of the month
    1. Topic Meeting
    2. Reading from "The Green Book" – The SAA Principle Text
    3. Readings from "Answers In The Heart"
    4. Member’s Story or Member Reading ( 10–15 minute reading )
    5. Favorite Recovery Tool used this month
  • Open the meeting for the general discussion
  • Cross–talk period 5–10 minutes before the end
  • Reading of the Promises
  • Close of the Meeting about on the hour
  • Serenity Prayer
  • Open the phone lines to fellowship

Since new members are present, is there a group conscience to have a new member meeting instead our normal agenda?

{ If YES, jump to the New Member Meeting Script below. }

 

Agenda based on Thursday of the Month

  1. Topic Meeting
  2. Reading from "The Green Book"
  3. Readings from "Answers In The Heart"
  4. Member’s Story or Member Reading
  5. Favorite Recovery Tool used this month

 

 

 

 

Topic Meeting

Now we go to the topic portion of the meeting.

Does anyone have a suggested topic for the meeting?

Thank you ____________ for the topic!

We now open the meeting of General sharing. Participation is voluntary. You can talk about this topic, check in with your current feelings, or say your first name and pass. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion". It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the closing Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. Remember to mute your phone using the *6 key if you are not talking.

{ For excessive noise, ask everyone not talking to mute using *6 keys. Organizer can change to Q&A mode with *7 key. }

Generally the person choosing the topic will lead off the discussion, so would __________ like to start?

The meeting is now open.

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting section below }

 

 

 

 

 

Green Book Reading

Now we go to the Green Book Reading portion of the meeting we will read for a maximum of 15 minutes.

Does anyone have a suggested Green Book Reading or Story for the meeting?

Thank you ____________ for the Reading! Please read one or two paragraphs and others will join in. We will read for 15 minutes.

Please read one or two paragraphs and others will join in. We will read for 15 minutes.

We now open the meeting of General sharing. Participation is voluntary. You can talk about this reading, check in with your current feelings, or say your first name and pass. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion". It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the closing Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. Remember to mute your phone using the *6 key if you are not talking.

{ For excessive noise, ask everyone not talking to mute using *6 keys. Organizer can change to Q&A mode with *7 key. }

The meeting is now open.

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting section below }

 

 

 

 

 

Answers in the Heart Meeting

Now we go to the Answers in the Heart Reading portion of the meeting.

Does anyone have a suggested Four Dates for the Answers in the Heart Readings?

Who will read Date 1_________________

Who will read Date 2_________________

Who will read Date 3_________________

Who will read Date 4_________________

We now open the meeting of General sharing. Participation is voluntary. You can talk about the readings, check in with your current feelings, or say your first name and pass. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion". It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the closing Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. Remember to mute your phone using the *6 key if you are not talking.

{ For excessive noise, ask everyone not talking to mute using *6 keys. Organizer can change to Q&A mode with *7 key. }

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting section below }

 

 

 

 

 

Member’s Story or Reading Meeting

Now we go to the Member’s Story or First Step of the meeting.

____________ has offered to give us the gift of their story. They will have 20 minutes to share. I will give them a 5 minute warning and then call Time when the 20 minutes is up. Please everyone please mute your phones using the *6 keys. Ok __________ can begin.

Thank you ____________ for the Story!

We now open the meeting of General sharing. Participation is voluntary. You can talk about what ___________ has presented as it relates to you and your recovery, check in with your current feelings, or say your first name and pass. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion". It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the closing Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. Remember to mute your phone using the *6 key if you are not talking.

{ For excessive noise, ask everyone not talking to mute using *6 keys. Organizer can change to Q&A mode with *7 key. }

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting section below }

 

 

 

 

 

Recovery Tools Meeting

Now we go to the Discussion the Recovery Tools we have found helpful this month in our recovery.
[make a one–line list of the tools presented.]

We now open the meeting of General sharing. Participation is voluntary. You can talk about your recovery tools you have used this month, check in with your current feelings, or say your first name and pass. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion". It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in "I" statements, as opposed to "you" statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the closing Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. Remember to mute your phone using the *6 key if you are not talking.

{ For excessive noise, ask everyone not talking to mute using *6 keys. Organizer can change to Q&A mode with *7 key. }

[At the end of the Recovery Tools Meeting]

I will review the tools that have been suggested this evening.
They are: [read list]

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting section below }

 

 

 

 

End the Meeting

Let us now end the meeting. We will have time immediately following the serenity prayer for questions from newcomers. We can meet afterward for fellowship and discussion.

The Seventh Tradition

The Seventh Tradition states that every group ought to be fully self–supporting, declining outside contributions.
12–step meetings around the world pass a basket to receive donations that are used to support recovery.
Because this activity is not possible in our telemeeting, I would encourage you to consider making a donation by clicking the "donate" link on the SAA telemeeting webpage www.saatalk.org or calling the SAA main office that is located in Houston 1–800–477–8191. Your donation will support the work of SAA meetings around the world.

     

  • Available at the Telemeeting web site www(DOT)saatalk(DOT)org are the following:

    •  

    • List of all scheduled Telemeetings ,

      •  

       

    • The readings and secretary scripts for this meeting under Thursday 9pm.

      •  

       

    • Contribute to SAA Telemeetings via donate link.

      •  

       

       

    • Link to the Calendar of Telemeeting Events such a First Step Presentations.

      •  

     

  • Also available at the SAA ISO web site www(DOT)saa(DASH)recovery(DOT)org are the following:

    •  

    • The same list of all scheduled Telemeetings ,

      •  

       

    • The Outer Circle (our SAA newsletter and readings),

      •  

       

    • Contribute to SAA via Lifeline Partners in Members Section,

      •  

       

    • Purchase of SAA approved literature online (or by simply calling the SAA main office)

      •  

If you would like to have your name and contact information included in a list that
is shared with others attending the telemeetings, please send an e–mail with your contact information to: contactlist@saatalk.org

 

Reading the Promises

Will someone please read the "The Promises". ( AA/SAA, Ottawa, or Double Winners Promises )

 

Announcement

Are there any SAA announcement?

 

In Closing

The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep it within the walls of your room and the confines of your mind. Remember that anonymity is a core tradition on which this program depends.

Whatever problems you have, there are those among us who have had them too.

If you keep an open mind, you will find help. Let us talk to one another and reason things out, but let us not gossip or criticize each other. Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in each of us one day at a time.

The readings are on the tele–meeting web site: www.saatalk.org

 

Close with the Serenity Prayer (first 4 lines) and end with "Keep coming back..."

Begin
God, grant me the serenity

 

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

(Optional) The rest of the Serenity Prayer

Living one day at a time;

 

Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

 

as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;

Keep coming back, it works!

 

If you work it!

We do it because you are worth it!

 

 

If First Thursday of the Month:

Since this is the first Thursday of the month, we reserve the first five minutes of fellowship of newcomer’s questions then we will start our BRIEF Monthly Business Meeting which will be followed by fellowship.  { Jump to Sample Business Meeting Format. }

 

 

 

Fellowship and Discussion

The phone line is now open for fellowship. We reserve the first five minutes of fellowship of newcomer’s questions.

 


 

Sample Business Meeting Format

Agenda

  • Call Meeting to order with the Serenity Prayer
  • Secretary asks for agenda items (Ask members to not give the whole pitch for their agenda item, but
    just to name what it is.)
  • Secretary determines order of agenda items
  • Old Business first (If we don’t have formal "minutes" of the previous meeting to be read, this is a good time for reports on things decided at last meeting, etc.)
  • New Business (First item is selecting secretary for this month).

Item process:

(Remember, people become discouraged from attending the business meeting if it drags on too long, so the Secretary should keep things focused and moving. Allow people to express their views, but focus on the item in question and look for movement toward Motions to resolve them.)

  • Member gives pitch for agenda item.
  • Any discussion?
  • Other members give their views. (In spirit of 12–Step, each member speaks for themselves, without arguing, the final decision determined by group conscience. The "no cross–talk" rule is not as strict, of course, but the spirit remains.)
  • Keep discussion focused on the item in question.
  • Call for a motion when discussion is sufficient (Perhaps when each member who wants to has commented.)
  • The Motion is seconded. (If it’s not, it dies.)
  • Call for vote. Show of hands. Majority rules.

When business is done:

  • Call for motion to adjourn. Seconded. Approved by group.
  • End with the the Serenity Prayer

The phone line is now open for fellowship

 

 

 

Sponsor Discussion

Having a sponsor is an important and critical part of the program. It is best to choose a sponsor (or temporary sponsor) from among those who attend your face to face meetings. Being able to meet outside the meetings and get to know each other pays rewards later when dealing with recovery issues. Acceptance and hugs are important part of this program. Each person in the program should have a sponsor.

Sponsors are chosen in this program by asking a person to be your sponsor. They may chose to accept or not to accept that role. If they say no, it is not a reflection on YOU, it may be that they are not ready or have a full slate of sponsees. Continue asking until you find a person who agrees to be your sponsor.

Sponsors chose to be sponsors for their program. It is not a burden to them, but a gift you give to them. Your gift to them is the sharing of your program and life with them. Their gift to you is the sharing of their program and experiences with you. In our addicted mind, we are crazy thinkers and will do crazy things that harm us and others. By contacting other people in the program and our sponsors we can get a new perspective on our situation, and learn how they successfully handled those situation in their recovery. They can relate to our current situation without judgment and can share their experiences, strength, and hope with us. They can be a power greater than ourselves, our Higher Power. The Higher Power we need to grow in recovery.

 

 

New Member Meeting Readings

Four topics are presented and someone here will discuss the each topic as it applies to his or her program. The four topics are Twelve Steps,
Absinence, Sponsorship and Phone Lists, and Meetings.

 

Twelve Steps

Suggested steps, adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous, that help us recover from obsessive and compulsive sexual behavior.  Having this limited amount of material to work with is a real advantage for those of us who tend to complicate our lives. The Twelve Steps are very powerful and versatile tools – simple and straightforward enough to help the new member, yet with enough substance that old–timers can always gain new insights.  Following the Steps in the order in which they are presented helped us greatly, especially when we first began.  Being compulsive people, we always wanted to reach our goals and “fix” things immediately.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Twelve Steps as it relates to your program?

Abstinence

Our purpose is to stay sexually sober, to abstain from sexually compulsive behavior, and to carry the message to the sex addict who still suffers.  Recovery begins with abstinence from one or more specific sexual compulsions.  The question arises: How do we define abstinence or sexual sobriety?

We have found it simplest to draw a circle.  Inside the circle we write down specific compulsive sexual behaviors from which we feel we need to abstain.  This becomes our inner circle and everything inside is totally off limits for us.

Just as there was no question that the behaviors in our inner circle were compulsive, addictive and destructive, so there is no question that the behaviors we list in our outer circle bring recovery and are
to be encouraged and practiced.  Outer circle behaviors are the exact opposite of our old way of life and the practice of these actions will lift our obsessions and compulsions and bring us serenity and joy.

The middle circle is where we place behavior of which we are uncertain.  Within the middle circle, there are some behaviors, which if not addressed, will eventually lead us back to our inner circle.  Our experience is that if we are rigorously honest with ourselves about our middle circle behavior, we will not choose to deceive ourselves into practicing inner circle behavior.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Abstinence as it relates to your program?

Sponsorship and Phone Lists

Being a sponsor is as much a commitment to the sponsor as it is to the person being sponsored.  It is not a favor.  Sponsorship gives us a chance to share intimately, to care and to apply the SAA
principles more consciously than ever.  If we listen to our own words, we often find that we tell those whom we sponsor exactly what we ourselves need to hear.

Besides a connection with a sponsor we have phone lists where members have provided their phone numbers.  Using this phone list is very strange at first.  Will the other person want to talk to
me? What if the person’s partner answers? Should I leave a message? Remember, people ask that their number be included on the phone list because they realize it is an important tool for others, and because it improves their own recovery.  When leaving a message we try to be discrete and respect others’ anonymity.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Sponsorship and phone lists as they relate to your program?

Meetings

[This reading is adapted from Co–Dependents Anonymous Newcomers Handbook]

Most of us find attending meetings is necessary for recovery in SAA; that individual recovery does not occur in isolation.  A Sex Addict attends meetings for his or her personal recovery, and this attendance benefits everyone.  Attendance creates the group, which is in turn supportive of its members.

Different meetings have different characteristics.  We recommend you try six meetings before you decide whether SAA is right for you.  During that time you may want to get a temporary sponsor who can help to guide you through your first few months.

Meetings may be mixed or single–gender, hetero/homo/bi–sexual, open/closed, or any combination thereof.  Agendas can also vary from meeting to meeting.  Open meetings are open to members of any S–type fellowship as well as outside guests who respect our traditions of anonymity.  Closed meetings are only for members who self–identify as being part of this fellowship.

SAA is not the only sexual recovery fellowship.  Other “S” programs in this area include:

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) SLAA is similar to SAA, in that you define your own personal bottom line addictive behavior.  SLAA focuses on compulsive relationships as well as sex addiction.
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) SA is also similar to SAA.  SA focuses on lust rather than compulsive behaviors, and has a standard definition of sobriety.
Codependents of Sexual Addiction (COSA) For friends and family members whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior.
Recovering Couples Anonymous for Sexual Recovery (RCA–S) A twelve–step fellowship for couples.  Couples (usually) attend together.  One or both should be a member of a sexual recovery fellowship.
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) SCA is a 12–Step fellowship, inclusive of all sexual orientations, open to anyone with a desire to recover from sexual compulsion, using a Sexual Recovery Plan. SCA is not available in all parts of the country.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Meetings as it relates to your program?

Do the new people have any questions or comments?

The meeting is now open for general sharing.

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting above}

 

 

 

The Opening

SAA is a fellowship of men and women who share our
experience, strength and hope with each other so that we may
stop our compulsive sexual behaviors and help others to
recover from sexual addiction and dependency.

Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop
compulsive sexual behavior and are willing to try this simple program.

 

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles
and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous, but we are not affiliated
with AA or any other organization or agency. We are not a religious
organization or aligned with any sect or denomination. Our only
connection with FreeConference.com is as a user of their free
telemeeting service.

We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues.

SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. 
If you would like to contribute, click the "donate" link on the telemeeting
website home page at www.saatalk.org or call the International Service
Organization (ISO) of SAA at 1–800–477–8191.

This is not a place to meet sexual partners, nor is it group therapy.
We try to listen respectfully to what others have to say and to share
our experience as it seems appropriate. We do not give advice. While we
all strive for sexual sobriety, its achievement is not a requirement for
attendance or participation.

Anonymity is the cornerstone of the Twelve Step program. We use only
our first names. Whatever our status or position outside of this group is
not an issue here. Our common bond is our desire to stop our compulsive
sexual behaviors and to live sexually healthy lives. Anonymity and
confidentiality are essential to this being a safe place for all of us.
Whoever you see here, whatever you hear here, let it stay here when you
leave here. (Here, here)

We hope you join in sharing the collective experience, strength and hope
that is ours when we work the program and trust our Higher Power to deliver
the promises.

 

 

How it Works

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have
tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we dealing with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power – that One is God. May you find God now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.

The 12 Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous

  1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can’t go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us had been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

  • A. That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
  • B. That probably no human being could have relieved our addiction.
  • C. That God could and would if God were sought.

 

 

 

The 12 Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous

  1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

 

 

On Acceptance

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation–some fact of my life–unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my sex addiction, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

 

 

The Abstinence Statement

Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive sexual behavior, and help others to achieve abstinence. A key component of SAA abstinence is that each member chooses his or her own abstinence definition, based on their own experience, and, in consultation with a sponsor and other members. Here are a few suggestions about the meaning of abstinence.

Many of us have found it helpful to define our abstinence in terms of specific behaviors, rather than focusing on thoughts or feelings. Just as AA focuses on the need to stop the behavior of drinking, and OA focuses on compulsive eating as the point of abstinence, so SAA focuses on compulsive sexual acting–out. The lust of the mind may take years to drain away as one works the Twelve Steps of recovery; abstinence from the destructive and addictive behaviors, however, can begin today, and is the foundation upon which all subsequent personal growth depends. "Progress rather than perfection" is the atmosphere for growth that we seek to promote.

Abstinence will often be different for different individual members of SAA, depending upon what behaviors are compulsive and lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Some addicts can engage in sexual behaviors from which other addicts find they must abstain; we leave the choice up to the individual.

Recovery is not only about eliminating harmful behaviors, We also seek a positive, healthy relationship with our sexuality, regardless of sexual orientation or marital status. We seek to lay the foundation for learning a new approach to the experience of sex and relationships which is healthy, honest, and intimate.

 

 

Our Lives Before

Taken from http://pugetsoundsaa.org/our_lives_before.html

We were sexually compulsive people. Despite our most heroic efforts and solemn promises, we were unable to turn away from behaviors and obsessions that were ruining our lives. We interpreted our lack of control as proof that we were bad or defective people, so we sought comfort by justifying our behaviors and sometimes reveling in them, or by denying our sexuality, and hiding in our shame. Our compulsions were at once our worst enemies and our most familiar sources of comfort.

Why We Came

We could no longer deny the pain that our compulsive sexual behaviors had caused in our lives. Many of us experienced such dramatic consequences as divorce, disease, jail, or financial ruin before seeing that our lives had become unmanageable. Others among us were confronted about our behaviors by family, friends, or counselors, and were given a choice to seek help, or face yet more loss in our lives. When we learned of SAA, we began to hope again that our lives could be freed from our sexual compulsivity.

Our Recovery

We began to attend SAA meetings. We heard stories similar to ours and we heard how others in SAA were abstaining from their compulsive behaviors. We learned of the twelve suggested Steps of recovery, and when we began to apply them in our lives, we discovered that we, too, could abstain from our compulsive behaviors, with the help of our fellow addicts. We acquired the faith and courage to make appropriate changes in our lives, and to accept our daily problems as stepping stones for spiritual growth. As we continue in our recovery from sexual addiction, one day at a time, we are developing healthier sexuality, a stronger sense of personal integrity, and an ability to truly enjoy our lives.

 

 

A Vision For Us

We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you – until then. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p.164)

 

 

12 Traditions of Sex Addicts Anonymous

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SAA unity.

    2.  

  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

    3.  

  3. The only requirement for SAA membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.

    4.  

  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SAA as a whole.

    5.  

  5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.

    6.  

  6. An SAA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

    7.  

  7. Every SAA group ought to be fully self–supporting, declining outside contributions.

    8.  

  8. Sex Addicts Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

    9.  

  9. SAA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

    10.  

  10. Sex Addicts Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SAA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

    11.  

  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.

    12.  

  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

    13.  

 

 

The AA/SAA Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,

  • We will be amazed before we are half way through.

    •  

  • We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

    •  

  • We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

    •  

  • We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

    •  

  • No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we see how our experience can benefit others.

    •  

  • That feeling of uselessness and self–pity will disappear.

    •  

  • We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

    •  

  • Self–seeking will slip away.

    •  

  • Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

    •  

  • Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

    •  

  • We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

    •  

  • We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

    •  

Are these extravagant promises?

 

WE THINK NOT!

 

They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

 

 

The Ottawa Promises

Through a renewed Relationship with God, our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God, our Higher Power, and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.

Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.

Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self–discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.

A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living our life.

Are these extravagant promises?

 

WE THINK NOT!

 

We have seen them fulfilled.

They are ours, if we want them and work for them.

 

 

 

"Double Winner" Promises

 

  • We will no longer see ourselves as merely predators or prey.
    Instead we will know ourselves to be integrated, whole, spiritual
    people, and we will let gratitude replace the view of ourselves as
    victims.

     

  • We will see that we are not so devastatingly complex that we
    cannot be understood. We will be able to recognize what we have in
    common with those we fear and resent.

     

  • We will experience our pain and anger but refuse to build shrines
    to our feelings. We will grow more respectful in the way we express our
    uncomfortable feelings.

     

  • We will forgive, and allow ourselves to be forgiven. We will make
    peace with our past, and with all parts of ourselves.

     

  • We will no longer confuse love with sex, emotional dependency or
    romantic intrigue.

     

  • We will feel at last at home in our own bones and discover
    precisely how beautiful we are.

     

  • We will be committed not merely to stopping our behaviors, but to
    finding a new way to live.

     

  • We will connect in honesty and integrity with our HP, our
    sponsor, our fellow addicts, our partners, our families and those
    around us. We will live transparent lives in which there are no secrets.

     

  • We will risk telling those truths about ourselves that cause us
    the most shame. At the same time, we will develop a health sense of
    caution in our relationships.

     

  • Our behavior will be in integrity with values that are rooted in
    our spirituality. We will find serenity and live in peace.

     

  • The fence between addict and co–addict will be transformed by
    empathy into a bridge of understanding with others.

     

  • Through trusting our Higher Power who transcends our addictions
    and co–addictions, we will learn to better trust ourselves and
    recognize trustworthy people.

 

 

The Unity Prayer

I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.