“Practicing These Principles” Sexual Avoidance

SCRIPT

Wednesday 4:00pm PAC

 

As people join:

Please tell new members that they can access it on saatalk.org

Welcome callers as you hear the entry chime. After the meeting starts, use your discretion about doing this. You may want to wait until general introductions.

Ask who has the readings available and make a note of this so you can call on these individuals to read.

The Opening(pg 1 green book)

How it Works(both parts AA Big Book)

12 Steps (page 20-21 green book)

Eleventh Step Prayer (twelve and twelve p.99)

Tradition of the Month (page 77 green book)

Abstinence Statement(page 14-15 green book)

Ottowa Promises(website)

 

 

Introduction:  Welcome to Practicing These Principles, a meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous focusing on sexual and intimacy avoidance in acting out. My name is___________. I’m intimacy anorexic and your moderator/secretary for this evening. (pause)

This is an open mixed meeting, open to all sex addicts and those interested in learning more about SAA. There is no other requirement.

 

To help reduce line noise, please press *6 to mute your phone when you are not talking and press *6 again to unmet.

 

Serenity Prayer:

Let’s begin the meeting with a moment of silence for those who are still suffering(pause) followed by the Serenity Prayer. (all together)

 

Readings:

The readings have all been assigned. I will introduce each and everyone of you.

The Opening:

(Name)______, would you please read “The Opening”?

How It Works:

(Name)_______, would you please read “Our Program”?

The Twelve Steps:

(Name________would you please read the “Twelve Steps”?

Abstinence Statement:

(Name)_______, would you please read the “Abstinence Statement”?

 

 

Thank you (NAME, NAME, NAME, NAME) for helping out with the readings.

 

Sobriety Birthdays:

This is the time we celebrate sobriety birthdays.

Sobriety is defined as time away from your inner circle.

Are there any sobriety birthdays?

 

General Introductions:

It is now time for general introductions. If you are comfortable doing so, please indicate your first name and the state you are calling from.

If you are a visitor, feel free to identify yourself as such.

(To organize introductions, consider using a geographical approach, i.e., start on the West Coast and move East.)

 

What is CSA:

 “For some of us, the compulsive avoidance of sex and intimacy became a destructive pattern, dominating our thoughts and actions.  We may always have felt unable or unwilling to be sexual. Or we may have experienced periods of feeling ‘shut down’ alternating with other periods of sexual acting out.  We have come to realize that both extremes represent symptoms of the same disease.  Whether we were acting out or not being sexual at all, our addiction involved being emotionally unavailable.”               (From Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 6)

Symptoms of Sexual Anorexia some of us have experienced include but are not limited to:

·         Using fantasy in pornography to protect ourselves from intimacy.

·         Engaging in compulsive masturbation to successfully protect ourselves from intimacy.

·         Having relationships outside of a committed one in order to protect ourselves from intimacy.

·         Finding fault or starting fight with significant other to avoid sexual relations.

·         A pattern of addictive sexual acting out, followed by compulsive avoidance of sex.

·         Extreme fear of combining intimacy with sexuality.

·         Practicing avoidance of sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

·         Avoiding one-on-one relationships by socializing with a great number of people.

·         The core belief that people would hate us if they knew the real us.

·         Being emotionally unavailable - in non-sexual and sexual relationships.

·         A feeling that our sexuality is inherently bad and something we should feel ashamed and guilty about.

·         Only being sexual with non-intimate partners.

·         A pattern of sex and relationships with unavailable people.

·         A pattern of sex and relationships with active sex addicts.

·         An inability to accept nurturing and care from ourselves, our HP and others.

·         Obsession about sex (about having it and avoiding it).

·         An inability to form and maintain non-sexual relationships.

·         An inability to trust and rely on others, believing that other people will always let us down and it is safer if we just do things on our own.

·         Pretending that flirtation / sexual advances aren't really happening and acting uninterested purely based on fear.

·         Hiding the joys and pains of our life from people we know, trust, respect, and admire, due to self-pity, false pride and fear.

This list is not meant to be diagnostic. Each anorexic must determine their own pattern of sexually anorexic behavior, with the help of a sponsor or others in the program.  If you need a sponsor, please talk to someone after the meeting.

 

The Sexual Avoidance Issue in SAA:

Due to little SAA approved literature around sexual avoidance, in this meeting we may use outside literature on the topic of sexual anorexia for discussion. As a group we do believe that using the approved literature of SAA is essential for working the SAA program. This can be purchased from saa-recovery.org.

 

Readings:

In this meeting, we read from the SAA Green Book. We read books that are not SAA approved such as: The Porn Trap by Wendy & Larry Maltz, Intimacy Anorexia: The Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage by Douglas Weiss, and Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes Ph.D and Joseph Moriarity. We strongly support CSA focused topic discussion, guest speakers, first step presentations, and first step meetings for newcomers.

 

The reading today is___________________from____________. If you have the reading and can help out that would be great.

 

We have a first step presentation today from _______, so please mute your phones while I hand the floor over to ________.

 

Does anyone have a topic they would like to talk about that has a focus on

CSA?

 

Today we have a guest speaker named ________, so please mute your phones while I hand the floor over to _________.

 

Latecomers:

It is now time for anyone who arrived during the reading to introduce him or herself. Please identify yourself by first name and geographic location only.

 

Discussion:

The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, no cross talk, we do not make direct comments about another person’s share or give advice. Please avoid mentioning the name of a book, movie, treatment center or the like in your share because this can be viewed by some as “promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.

We ask that any newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will have time in fellowship for you to ask questions and get phone numbers.

We do not put a time limit on shares since this meeting can go out to 1 1/2h. However, please be considerate of others when you are sharing. I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?

 

Anonymity:

As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to “place principles before personalities”.

 

Ottowa Promises:

Our promises have been inspired by our own experiences of recovery and by messages of hope from our fellowship. I would like to ask (Name)_______ to read the Ottowa Promises.

 

Thank you (Name)_________for reading the promises.

 

 

Seventh Tradition:

Now is the time for the 7th tradition. The Seventh Tradition in the 12 & 12 states that “every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions”. 12 step meetings around the world pass a basket to receive donations that are used to support recovery. Because this activity is not possible in our telemeeting, I would encourage you to consider making a donation to the Telemeeting Intergroup to specifically support these telemeetings. You can make donations by making a check to Telemeeting Intergroup and sending it to

 

Telemeeting Intergroup

P. O. Box 434015

St. Louis, MO 63143

You can also donate via Pay Pal or major credit cards at www.saatalk.org.

 

Contact List:

If you would like to obtain a list of telemeeting participants along with their contact information, go to saatalk.org, select the contact list tab, fill out and submit form. The contact list will be sent to your email. If you do not have Internet access the contact list is also available through the mail by calling Conrad S @ 520-236-9696.

 

ANNOUNCEMENTS:  Now is the time for announcements.  The first announcement is about sponsorship.  I will read the first 2 paragraphs on page 13 of the SAA Green Book:

One of the most vital aspects of the program is sponsorship.  A sponsor is a person is a person in the fellowship who acts as a guide to working the program of SAA, a fellow addict you can rely on for support.

 

 

Ideally, a sponsor is abstinent from addictive sexual behavior, has worked the steps, and can teach us what he or she has learned from working the program. We can learn from a sponsor’s experience, struggles, successes, and mistakes. Our sponsor can help explain program fundamentals, such as how to define our sexual sobriety. Most importantly, sponsors guide us through The Twelve Steps. If we feel like acting out, we can call our sponsor to talk about it. A sponsor can hold us accountable for our behavior. If we make a commitment to attend a meeting, our sponsor can note whether we got to the meeting or not. Sponsors can tell us if they think we are at risk for relapse. They can suggest when we are not being fully honest with ourselves. Often a sponsor is the person in the fellowship that knows us best.

 

Are there any other SAA related announcements?

 

Available at saa-recovery.org are the following:

1 - A list of all scheduled telemeetings

2 - The Outer Circle newsletter

3 - SAA approved literature to purchase

4 - SAA Pamphlets for viewing only, not downloadable

5 - SAA Green Book for downloading to Kindle, etc

OR......

You may simply call 1-800-477-8191 for the same information and literature.

 

The readings used in this meeting are available at www.saatalk.org.

 

Thanks to all for allowing me to be of service.

Closing Meeting:

In closing please, join me in a moment of silence (pause) followed by the Serenity Prayer.

 

Fellowship:

You are welcome to stay around for fellowship.

Now is a good time to ask questions and make comments. You are also welcome to leave at any time. Are there any questions?