Fellowship and Discussion

The phone line is now open for fellowship. We reserve the first five minutes of fellowship of newcomer’s questions.

Sample Business Meeting Format

Agenda

• Call Meeting to order with the Serenity Prayer
• Secretary asks for agenda items (Ask members to not give the whole pitch for their agenda item, but just to name what it is.)
• Secretary determines order of agenda items
• Old Business first (If we don’t have formal "minutes" of the previous meeting to be read, this is a good time for reports on things decided at last meeting, etc.)
• New Business (First item is selecting secretary for this month).

Item process:

(Remember, people become discouraged from attending the business meeting if it drags on too long, so the Secretary should keep things focused and moving. Allow people to express their views, but focus on the item in question and look for movement toward Motions to resolve them.)

• Member gives pitch for agenda item.
• Any discussion?
• Other members give their views. (In spirit of 12–Step, each member speaks for themselves, without arguing, the final decision determined by group conscience. The "no cross–talk" rule is not as strict, of course, but the spirit remains.)
• Keep discussion focused on the item in question.
• Call for a motion when discussion is sufficient (Perhaps when each member who wants to has commented.)
• The Motion is seconded. (If it’s not, it dies.)
• Call for vote. Show of hands. Majority rules.

When business is done:

• Call for motion to adjourn. Seconded. Approved by group.
• End with the the Serenity Prayer

The phone line is now open for fellowship

Sponsor Discussion

Having a sponsor is an important and critical part of the program. It is best to choose a sponsor (or temporary sponsor) from among those who attend your face to face meetings. Being able to meet outside the meetings and get to know each other pays rewards later when dealing with recovery issues. Acceptance and hugs are important part of this program. Each person in the program should have a sponsor.

Sponsors are chosen in this program by asking a person to be your sponsor. They may chose to accept or not to accept that role. If they say no, it is not a reflection on YOU, it may be that they are not ready or have a full slate of sponsees. Continue asking until you find a person who agrees to be your sponsor.

Sponsors chose to be sponsors for their program. It is not a burden to them, but a gift you give to them. Your gift to them is the sharing of your program and life with them. Their gift to you is the sharing of their program and experiences with you. In our addicted mind, we are crazy thinkers and will do crazy things that harm us and others. By contacting other people in the program and our sponsors we can get a new perspective on our situation, and learn how they successfully handled those situation in their recovery. They can relate to our current situation without judgment and can share their experiences, strength, and hope with us. They can be a power greater than ourselves, our Higher Power. The Higher Power we need to grow in recovery.

New Member Meeting Readings

Four topics are presented and someone here will discuss the each topic as it applies to his or her program. The four topics are Twelve Steps, Absinence, Sponsorship and Phone Lists, and Meetings.

Twelve Steps

Suggested steps, adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous, that help us recover from obsessive and compulsive sexual behavior.  Having this limited amount of material to work with is a real advantage for those of us who tend to complicate our lives. The Twelve Steps are very powerful and versatile tools – simple and straightforward enough to help the new member, yet with enough substance that old–timers can always gain new insights.  Following the Steps in the order in which they are presented helped us greatly, especially when we first began.  Being compulsive people, we always wanted to reach our goals and “fix” things immediately.  

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Twelve Steps as it relates to your program?

Abstinence

Our purpose is to stay sexually sober, to abstain from sexually compulsive behavior, and to carry the message to the sex addict who still suffers.  Recovery begins with abstinence from one or more specific sexual compulsions.  The question arises: How do we define abstinence or sexual sobriety?

We have found it simplest to draw a circle.  Inside the circle we write down specific compulsive sexual behaviors from which we feel we need to abstain.  This becomes our inner circle and everything inside is totally off limits for us.  

Just as there was no question that the behaviors in our inner circle were compulsive, addictive and destructive, so there is no question that the behaviors we list in our outer circle bring recovery and are to be encouraged and practiced.  Outer circle behaviors are the exact opposite of our old way of life and the practice of these actions will lift our obsessions and compulsions and bring us serenity and joy.

The middle circle is where we place behavior of which we are uncertain.  Within the middle circle, there are some behaviors, which if not addressed, will eventually lead us back to our inner circle.  Our experience is that if we are rigorously honest with ourselves about our middle circle behavior, we will not choose to deceive ourselves into practicing inner circle behavior.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Abstinence as it relates to your program?

Sponsorship and Phone Lists

Being a sponsor is as much a commitment to the sponsor as it is to the person being sponsored.  It is not a favor.  Sponsorship gives us a chance to share intimately, to care and to apply the SAA principles more consciously than ever.  If we listen to our own words, we often find that we tell those whom we sponsor exactly what we ourselves need to hear.

Besides a connection with a sponsor we have phone lists where members have provided their phone numbers.  Using this phone list is very strange at first.  Will the other person want to talk to me? What if the person’s partner answers? Should I leave a message? Remember, people ask that their number be included on the phone list because they realize it is an important tool for others, and because it improves their own recovery.  When leaving a message we try to be discrete and respect others’ anonymity.

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Sponsorship and phone lists as they relate to your program?

Meetings

[This reading is adapted from Co–Dependents Anonymous Newcomers Handbook]

Most of us find attending meetings is necessary for recovery in SAA; that individual recovery does not occur in isolation.  A Sex Addict attends meetings for his or her personal recovery, and this attendance benefits everyone.  Attendance creates the group, which is in turn supportive of its members.  

Different meetings have different characteristics.  We recommend you try six meetings before you decide whether SAA is right for you.  During that time you may want to get a temporary sponsor who can help to guide you through your first few months.  

Meetings may be mixed or single–gender, hetero/homo/bi–sexual, open/closed, or any combination thereof.  Agendas can also vary from meeting to meeting.  Open meetings are open to members of any S–type fellowship as well as outside guests who respect our traditions of anonymity.  Closed meetings are only for members who self–identify as being part of this fellowship.

SAA is not the only sexual recovery fellowship.  Other “S” programs in this area include:

Who would like to take two or three minutes to talk about Meetings as it relates to your program?

Do the new people have any questions or comments?

The meeting is now open for general sharing.

{ At 85 minutes go to End the Meeting above}

The Opening

SAA is a fellowship of men and women who share our experience, strength and hope with each other so that we may stop our compulsive sexual behaviors and help others to recover from sexual addiction and dependency.

Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop compulsive sexual behavior and are willing to try this simple program.

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous, but we are not affiliated with AA or any other organization or agency. We are not a religious organization or aligned with any sect or denomination. Our only connection with FreeConference.com is as a user of their free telemeeting service.

We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues.

SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members.  If you would like to contribute, click the "donate" link on the telemeeting website home page at www.saatalk.org or call the International Service Organization (ISO) of SAA at 1–800–477–8191.

This is not a place to meet sexual partners, nor is it group therapy. We try to listen respectfully to what others have to say and to share our experience as it seems appropriate. We do not give advice. While we all strive for sexual sobriety, its achievement is not a requirement for attendance or participation.

Anonymity is the cornerstone of the Twelve Step program. We use only our first names. Whatever our status or position outside of this group is not an issue here. Our common bond is our desire to stop our compulsive sexual behaviors and to live sexually healthy lives. Anonymity and confidentiality are essential to this being a safe place for all of us. Whoever you see here, whatever you hear here, let it stay here when you leave here. (Here, here)

We hope you join in sharing the collective experience, strength and hope that is ours when we work the program and trust our Higher Power to deliver the promises.

How it Works

The 12 Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can’t go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us had been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

• A. That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
• B. That probably no human being could have relieved our addiction.
• C. That God could and would if God were sought.

The 12 Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

On Acceptance

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation–some fact of my life–unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my sex addiction, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

The Abstinence Statement

Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive sexual behavior, and help others to achieve abstinence. A key component of SAA abstinence is that each member chooses his or her own abstinence definition, based on their own experience, and, in consultation with a sponsor and other members. Here are a few suggestions about the meaning of abstinence.

Many of us have found it helpful to define our abstinence in terms of specific behaviors, rather than focusing on thoughts or feelings. Just as AA focuses on the need to stop the behavior of drinking, and OA focuses on compulsive eating as the point of abstinence, so SAA focuses on compulsive sexual acting–out. The lust of the mind may take years to drain away as one works the Twelve Steps of recovery; abstinence from the destructive and addictive behaviors, however, can begin today, and is the foundation upon which all subsequent personal growth depends. "Progress rather than perfection" is the atmosphere for growth that we seek to promote.

Abstinence will often be different for different individual members of SAA, depending upon what behaviors are compulsive and lead to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Some addicts can engage in sexual behaviors from which other addicts find they must abstain; we leave the choice up to the individual.

Recovery is not only about eliminating harmful behaviors, We also seek a positive, healthy relationship with our sexuality, regardless of sexual orientation or marital status. We seek to lay the foundation for learning a new approach to the experience of sex and relationships which is healthy, honest, and intimate.

Our Lives Before

We were sexually compulsive people. Despite our most heroic efforts and solemn promises, we were unable to turn away from behaviors and obsessions that were ruining our lives. We interpreted our lack of control as proof that we were bad or defective people, so we sought comfort by justifying our behaviors and sometimes reveling in them, or by denying our sexuality, and hiding in our shame. Our compulsions were at once our worst enemies and our most familiar sources of comfort.

Why We Came

We could no longer deny the pain that our compulsive sexual behaviors had caused in our lives. Many of us experienced such dramatic consequences as divorce, disease, jail, or financial ruin before seeing that our lives had become unmanageable. Others among us were confronted about our behaviors by family, friends, or counselors, and were given a choice to seek help, or face yet more loss in our lives. When we learned of SAA, we began to hope again that our lives could be freed from our sexual compulsivity.

Our Recovery

We began to attend SAA meetings. We heard stories similar to ours and we heard how others in SAA were abstaining from their compulsive behaviors. We learned of the twelve suggested Steps of recovery, and when we began to apply them in our lives, we discovered that we, too, could abstain from our compulsive behaviors, with the help of our fellow addicts. We acquired the faith and courage to make appropriate changes in our lives, and to accept our daily problems as stepping stones for spiritual growth. As we continue in our recovery from sexual addiction, one day at a time, we are developing healthier sexuality, a stronger sense of personal integrity, and an ability to truly enjoy our lives.

A Vision For Us

We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you – until then. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p.164)

12 Traditions of Sex Addicts Anonymous

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SAA unity.


2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.


3. The only requirement for SAA membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.


4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SAA as a whole.


5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.


6. An SAA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.


7. Every SAA group ought to be fully self–supporting, declining outside contributions.


8. Sex Addicts Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.


9. SAA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.


10. Sex Addicts Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SAA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.


11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.


12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

The AA/SAA Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,

• We will be amazed before we are half way through.


• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.


• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.


• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.


• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we see how our experience can benefit others.


• That feeling of uselessness and self–pity will disappear.


• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.


• Self–seeking will slip away.


• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.


• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.


• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.


• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?

WE THINK NOT!

They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.