Tuesday Mixed Sexual Anorexia Telephone Meeting Agenda and Readings

 

Time: 9:00 AM Pacific Time / 10:00 AM Mountain / 11:00 AM Central / 12:00 PM Eastern

Makeup: Mixed / this meeting is for both men and women.

Access: Closed. Open only to those who have a desire to stop their compulsive sexual behavior. "Closed" means the meeting location will be printed in the directory and given out by the ISO office to anyone who seeks help, whether by phone, postal mail, or e-mail.

Call In Number: 940-287-4000 Passcode: 134679

Website Info: www.saatalk.org  www.saa-recovery.org

Not Conference-Approved: Adapted through Group Conscience from the Group Guide: Handbook for SAA Groups, p 11-39.

 

Introduction

Welcome to the Tuesday Sexual Avoidance Tele-Meeting of SAA.  My name is____________, I am a sexual anorexic in ______ and your trusted servant for this meeting.  The focus of this meeting is recovery from sexual anorexia, but all sex addicts are welcome to attend.  The only requirement is a desire to stop acting in or out with sexually compulsive behaviors.

May we have a moment of silence for the addict in and out of these rooms who still suffer, followed by the serenity prayer?

God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, 
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Regarding Literature

Due to little SAA approved literature around sexual avoidance, in this meeting we may use outside literature on the topic of sexual anorexia for discussion. As a group we do believe that using the approved literature of SAA is essential for working the SAA program. The format and readings for this meeting can be found at www.saatalk.org, under telemeeting readings.

Who would like to read the “Meeting Preamble”?

 

Meeting Preamble

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Our primary purpose is to stop our addictive sexual behavior, and to help others recover from sexual addiction. We find a new way of living through the SAA program, and carry our message to others seeking recovery.

Who would like to read “Our Addiction”?

 

Our Addiction

“Before coming to Sex Addicts Anonymous, many of us never knew that our problem had a name. All we knew was that we couldn’t control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences.

“Sex addiction is a disease affecting the mind, body, and spirit. It is progressive, with the behavior and its consequences usually becoming more severe over time. We experience it as compulsion, which is an urge that is stronger than our will to resist, and as obsession, which is a mental preoccupation with sexual behavior and fantasies. In SAA, we have come to call our addictive sexual behavior ‘acting out.’”                    (From Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 3, paragraph 1-2)

Who would like to read “Sexual Anorexia”?

Sexual Anorexia
“For some of us, the compulsive avoidance of sex and intimacy became a destructive pattern, dominating our thoughts and actions.  We may always have felt unable or unwilling to be sexual. Or we may have experienced periods of feeling ‘shut down’ alternating with other periods of sexual acting out.  We have come to realize that both extremes represent symptoms of the same disease.  Whether we were acting out or not being sexual at all, our addiction involved being emotionally unavailable.”               (From Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 6)

Symptoms of Sexual Anorexia some of us have experienced include but are not limited to:

  • Finding fault or starting fight with significant other to avoid sexual relations.
  • A pattern of addictive sexual acting out, followed by compulsive avoidance of sex.
  • Extreme fear of combining intimacy with sexuality.
  • Practicing avoidance of sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
  • Avoiding one-on-one relationships by socializing with a great number of people.
  • The core belief that people would hate us if they knew the real us.
  • Being emotionally unavailable - in non-sexual and sexual relationships.
  • A feeling that our sexuality is inherently bad and something we should feel ashamed and guilty about.
  • Only being sexual with non-intimate partners.
  • A pattern of sex and relationships with unavailable people.
  • A pattern of sex and relationships with active sex addicts.
  • An inability to accept nurturing and care from ourselves, our HP and others.
  • Obsession about sex (about having it and avoiding it).
  • An inability to form and maintain non-sexual relationships.
  • An inability to trust and rely on others, believing that other people will always let us down and it is safer if we just do things on our own.
  • Pretending that flirtation / sexual advances aren't really happening and acting uninterested purely based on fear.
  • Hiding the joys and pains of our life from people we know, trust, respect, and admire, due to self-pity, false pride and fear.

This list is not meant to be diagnostic. Each anorexic must determine their own pattern of sexually anorexic behavior, with the help of a sponsor or others in the program.  If you need a sponsor, please talk to someone after the meeting.

 

Abstinence Statement

“Our goal when entering the SAA program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence.

“Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence…

“…Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out.”

“This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.

“…Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality.

“We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness, and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.”                                            (Excerpted from Sex Addicts Anonymous, pages 14-15)

 

The Twelve Steps of SAA

One of the most dangerous aspects of sexual avoidance is our inability to see it for what it is.  This difficulty recognizing what we are doing, how risky and serious it is, and how much harm it may cause, we call denial.  Working the Twelve Steps of SAA will lead to an awakening that allows us to live a new way of life according to spiritual principles.

Who will read The Twelve Steps Of Sex Addicts Anonymous, from page 21 of the SAA green book?

  1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
The Twelve Traditions of SAA

Who will read the Tradition of the month, and the Twelfth Tradition, from the SAA Green Book pg. 77?

[Read the Tradition for the current month (1 for January, 2 for February, etc.).]

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SAA unity.
  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
  3. The only requirement for SAA membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.
  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SAA as a whole.
  5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.
  6. An SAA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
  7. Every SAA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. SAA should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. SAA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. SAA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SAA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Newcomers Welcome 
Is there anyone at this meeting for the first time? If so, please state your first name only, so that we may welcome you.

Anniversaries
Is anyone celebrating a recovery anniversary?

Introductions

Now let’s go around for introductions.  It is the custom of this group for members to share their first name only, where you’re from, and how you’re feeling.   
My name is_______, I’m a sexual anorexic from _____, I feel _________.

 

Boundaries

Meeting content may sometimes be triggering.  It is our intent to create a safe place for all sexual anorexics.  If you are feeling triggered, here are two suggestions:

  1. Put down the phone and say the Serenity Prayer several times
  2. Say the word “triggered” to yourself, but please do not interrupt the speaker.

Meeting Focus
This is a topic meeting of SAA. I would like thank __________ for bringing the reading, if you'll be reading from outside literature please state that it is not SAA approved.

(If there is no Speaker) There is no pre-arranged speaker for the meeting. I have chosen to read…

(The Trusted Servant can pick a reading from SAA literature or outside literature on Sexual Avoidance or ask if anyone else would like to choose a reading.)

(Move into Discussion section)

(If there is a Speaker ) May we have a volunteer to keep time?   (Introduce speaker)

Boundaries for Discussion

The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice. Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like, In your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”.  It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items.  It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements.  Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.

Please keep your shares to about _________ minutes. I will help moderate.  Who would like to begin?

 

Fellowship Business – 12:55 p.m.

That’s all the time we have for discussion. If you didn’t get to share, please stay for the end of the meeting where we will exchange phone numbers and have a period of continued fellowship. Newcomers may also feel free to ask any questions at that time.

Would someone be willing to volunteer to bring a reading for next week’s meeting .

Our business meeting is held on the last Tuesday of the month after the regular meeting.

(If so, announce that business meeting will start immediately after the meeting.)

Are there any SAA-related announcements?

 

The 7th Tradition

It’s now time for the Seventh Tradition, which states that “every SAA group ought to be fully self supporting, declining outside contributions.”  We have no dues or fees, but you can make a donation to support these telemeetings to:

Telemeeting Intergroup PO Box 434015, St. Louis, Missouri 63143 or via paypal at www.saatalk.org.

Our International Service Organization (ISO) also has expenses.  Contact them at 1-800-477-8191 or via the Internet: www.saa-recovery.org.  SAA literature may also be obtained from that telephone number and internet site.

 

Closing Reading

Would someone please read The Promises, which can be found in the booklet, Getting Started in Sex Addicts Anonymous, pg. 17 (also in the A.A. “Big Book, page 83, beginning on the last paragraph)?

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. “Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

 

Closing Prayer

In closing, please help us move from shame to grace and join us in the Unity Prayer, p. 45 of the SAA booklet Tools of Recovery.

I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness; no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady will power. We are all together now, reaching out our hands,for a power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

Keep Coming Back—It Works!

 

Continued Fellowship

If there are newcomers present, please get a pencil and paper. The phone line is now open to exchange phone numbers.  My name is _____ , I’m a sex addict in ___, and my number is_____.

The phone line is now open for Fellowship.  Please state your name before your share.

 

 

BUSINESS MEETING AGENDA [the last Tuesday of the month]

 

Introduction

Welcome to the Tuesday Sexual Avoidance business meeting.  My name is ______ and I’m a sexual anorexic and your trusted servant for this meeting.

 

The Twelve Traditions of SAA

Would someone please read The Twelve Traditions from the SAA Green Book pg. 77?

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SAA unity.
  2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
  3. The only requirement for SAA membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.
  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SAA as a whole.
  5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.
  6. An SAA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
  7. Every SAA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. SAA should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. SAA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. SAA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SAA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

 

Old Business

In keeping with our traditions, do we have any old business to discuss?

 

New Business

Do we have any new business to discuss?

 

Trusted Service Position

Who is willing to be the Trusted Servant for next month?  90 days of sexual sobriety is suggested.

 

Closing Prayer

Please help me close this meeting with the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, 
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Continued Fellowship

The phone line is now open for Fellowship.  Please state your name before your share.